How are you doing really? February 16, 2009

This has been the big question everyone has been asking.  The days are rolling by and before long we will have a solid month under our belts as the parents of two boys.  It seems rather bland when you say it like that – the parents of two boys – it leaves out all the flavor of what it took to get both boys.  Anyway, I thought I just give you snip-its of what has been happening around our house.  Can I just say that God has really blessed us and our transition has been much smoother that many of our other friends in this adoption stuff.  We have had three years to prepare and Jake to some what prepare.  So with that said here goes…

1.  Jake is eating us out of house and home.  He loves American food and he really likes the variety.  He wants a different “style” every night.  We have cooked some home food for him.  Things like borscth and verenekey.  Oh, we actually found verenekey at WALMART in the frozen foods!!  Very excited and they are really good.  What, you ask, is borscht and verenekey – borscht is like veggie soup and verenekey are like ravolli filled with potatoes and cheese.  He drinks anything we put in a glass and loves, LOVES sweet ice tea.  Jon has always been a great eater and never picky.   He loves the Ukrainian style foods and so the whole family is eating a blend of everything.

2.  Mom is homeschooling Jake with just English and art projects.  After an evaluation in B’ham we learned that he had been severely traumatized in the orphanage school.  He was told he was stupid and that was why he was in the orphanage.  He was told his brain was too small and many other things.  All this for 12 years and it has a profound effect on a kid.  He was also told that if he didn’t do well in school we would send him back.  The doctor wanted us to postpone full blown school for at least 6 months.  She told us to focus on things that Jake could succeed at so that he would see for himself how smart he is and how talented he really is.  So we are focusing on English using Hooked on Phonics and other resouces and he is really doing great.  He has finished the first book and can read anything.  Now understand that he doesn’t yet know what some of the words mean, but he will.  He is very artistic.  He has never really had the chance to color in a coloring book and loves it.  Also he is learning to cook and plan meals with Nana.  He is GREAT around the kitchen and really helps out.  We can see his confidence building.  Jerry is meeting with the principal at the school he will attend and they are setting up a weekly time that Jake can go to school, with Jerry in the hall, and take an ESL class.  Introduction to school must be gradual for him.  Jon is rolling right along in the 5th grade.  We are tickled pink that he won 1st place in his division of the science fair.  He will be going on to the district level.  Also we hear that today Jon was asked to DANCE at a high school pep rally.  Please know that he did a fantastic job!! 

3.  The boys are in fact fighting sometimes.  Other parents of more than one child tell me this is normal and a part of having more than one.  Jerry and I have never experienced this before.  We are learning how to handle everything.  Boys can get so mad so quick and then cool off so quick and act like nothing has ever happened.  Jake’s downfall is that he aggreavates Jon to the point of insanity about any and everything.  This doesn’t happen constantly, but when Jake is in one of “those moods” he just won’t let up.  Jon’s downfall is that he takes and takes and then blows his top which means he punches the stuffing out of Jake.  Rather than let off a little steam, he waits and BLOWS.  So we have been working on Jake learning what we call the #2 rule – once is funny, twice is enough and three times is torture.  Jon is learning that he can’t punch even when he wants to.  We are applying the count to 10 method with him – walk away 10 paces and then swing!  Actually they do get along very well.  They will tell on each other and then cry when the other one is getting in trouble!  Go figure and we aren’t even whipping them!  We are just talking sternly to them!  If we seperate them they both cry and tell us they love the other on and beg us not to put them apart, them they start fighting again – boys who can figure them out. 

4.  Jake had to learn that he could not speak to us in a smarty tone.  The powers of ignoring worked very well with this.  Seems that mom, dad and Jon don’t hear you if you are being smarty.  Now if he messes up he will quickly correct himself and jsut grin.

5.  The constant attention that he first needed is lessening.  He is doing a much better job of being able to calm himself as well as waiting on attention.  He is feeling quite safe and secure and sleeping through the night.  The only time he really gets frustrated is when I am on the phone.  He will stand in front of me and continually  kiss me or tickle me to keep my attention focused on him.  Strangely he is not jealous of Jon getting attention, but the phone, whew it is an ordeal.  Usually I will go outside or in the other room to make a call. 

6.  We know have american flags in 4 rooms of the house – they totally add to the decor being that they were the cheap ones from Walmart.

7.  Things Jake loves – giving offereings at church, going to church, playing basketball, playing baseball, getting the mail, taking out the trash, sleeping with a bunch of pillows, drinking hot tea, chicken quesadillias, rotel dip,  Jon acting goofy, using a whoppee cushion at the table, looking at Jon’s baby pictures, telling me stories about Ukraine, checking the temperature and calendar.

8.  Things Jon loves – acting goofy, chicken and rice, playing star wars, drawing anything – he is really good, his buddies at school, time alone with mom and dad, him and Jake making fun of me and Jerry, being one of two with a pug nose (I am the other one), playing sports with Jerry, sleeping with a bunch of pillows, shrimp chimichingas

9.  Things Jerry and Jan like – we don’t really know anymore but I think chocolate would be high on the list next to alone time.

10.  We are doing good.  There are moments when I think that one more fuss or one more pulling on me to get my attention or one more poop or pee in the floor will send me over the edge – and then I just put Jerry outside and things go back to being calm.  Just kidding – I am keeping him outside all the time.  We really doing fantastic and our family is blooming.  We have two quick prayer requests – Jake is having a TERRIBLY hard time making friends, however our youth are WONDERFUL  and they never give up.  They are so patient with him and just continually reach out to him and he is coming around.  He will get in the car and talk about them and tell me they are good.  So friends are coming.  The other is that Jake is REALLY inrested in Jesus and his life.  He has lots of questions and pray for wisdom on our part to answer those.  We know that God is beginning to call to his heart and we look forward to the day we will celebrate his salvation. 

Well there’s the news.  Should anything progress I will let you know.  Much love to all !

Yes Honey, We Eat Them, YUM YUM! February 3, 2009

O.k. to start things off we are doing really good.  Nothing has happened so far that God hadn’t already prepared us for or that He hasn’t given us the insight and guidance to deal with.   So with that out of the way allow me to tell you how I totally traumatized my son the other day.  I decided to take off the entire first week he has been home.  I wanted to help get him settled and get the medical stuff out of the way and basically just get some plans for education and most importantly begin the process of forming a healthy attachment.  So we were driving back home after visiting with my mom on my birthday (age is irrelevant to this story) when we passed something you will only see in the deep, deep, deep, deep south – a cock fighting farm.  Now for those of you that have no idea of what this type of farm produces let me educate you on the finer art of raising fightin’ roosters.  In the south for many generations, folks have raised roosters for the purpose of slinging them merciless into a ring with another rooster to see those two birds fight until one in no more.  This act is thankfully illegal, however raising such a rooster is not and many of these farms will sell these birds to overseas buyers where fighting (and betting) are not illegal.  These farms are arranged so tastefully with the birds usually tethered to an old rusty barrel turned on its side to shield the poor creature from the elements and often there are at least a hundred or so of these setups in row after row surrounded by a fence, the purpose of the fence is still a mystery to me.  Now back to the story, as we were coming home from my mom’s house Jake noticed the rooster farm.  He then asked if it was a” KA-ZSH-some sounds that I can’t pronounce”.  I ASSUMED that he was trying to say chicken and I answered with a yes – that is correct.  Rather than stun him with the gore of rooster fighting I decided to take the lesser of two evils and tell him that those were chickens that we ate.  He looked at me and with a combination look of disgust and fear he said, “No, ma, no!  OH, NO, ewwwww no!”  I went on to say “YES, honey, (acting as if eating a drumstick) they are good, yum, yum!”  It was followed by more no-ing and weird looks.  Which I battled back with the yes-ing and even added some finger licking and smacking to my motions.  Then he just sat quietly in the car as if he was utterly shocked beyond words.  I began to think that maybe he really didn’t know where chicken came from and this was his first insight into the whole circle of life thing.  That is when we drove past another place.  Like the rooster farm it too was fenced in.  There were also rows, but the only things missing were the roosters.  Why no roosters you ask?  Well, how many CEMETERIES have roosters lodging in them.  That is right, Jake had asked if the rooster farm was a CEMETERY;  I thought he was trying to say the word for chicken and he interpreted me to say that we eat DEAD PEOPLE.  Not only that, but they are YUM YUM.  Law me he even got the impression they were FINGER LICKIN GOOD!  No wonder he sat in stunned silence!  The poor child was probably wondering what or who he had for supper the night before.  jAs we passed the CEMETERY he shyly asked again if that was a KA-ZSH-blah-blah and I put two and two together.  I died out laughing and then realized I was the only one ha-ha-ing in the car.  I then proceeded to explain to him my mistake and his mistake.  He never laughed, but did let out a huge sigh of relief.  Since then every time we pass a cemetery he crows like a rooster and just laughs.  Who says you need a translator!