Well it is here! Officially our court date has finally arrived. I have pressed everyone’s clothes and even the side of my hand. Everyone has taken their bath and all hair has been trimmed nicely. The apartment is in order and everything that I can possibly do has been done. And now, knowing that all is taken care of, well I can’t sleep! Its really Sergey’s fault. This afternoon we called to make sure what time he would arrive and his last words to Jerry were “I hope you can sleep tonight.” You know I hadn’t really thought that much about sleeping until THEN!! Now I can’t sleep!! We are also out of water or anything to drink for that matter and in my efforts to melt the ice into drinkable water were a bust. I left the cup in the microwave too long so now I am waiting for it to cool back down! I will probably leave it in the freezer too long and have to remelt it again! It really doesn’t seem possible that we are here. It all seems like a fairy tale. It feels like we are outside just watching the events unfold as if watching a TV show. Well all but when I roasted my flesh using that cotton picking Ukrainian iron and make shift ironing board. We called to check on Jake about 10:30 and he was in the bed ASLEEP! That little toot! Yesterday we asked him what he was going to tell the judge and he said, and I quote, “I will tell her like it is!” end quote. And that is exactly what he will do – Mr. Cut and Dry. No need to get all gushy and add a bunch of useless adjectives to the picture. So he is fine, except for when his dad woke him up. Jon is tossing and turning with a mixture of excitement and nervous energy. He has bounced off the walls for two days. Jerry has been a TOTAL GRUMP for TWO SOLID days. It appears that his attitude is directly effected by what occurs in Starkville, MS. I hope the judge is aware the Sylvester Croom has resigned, if not she may be in for a rude awakening tomorrow if she pushes Big Jerry too far. Me, well I just can’t get my mind still. All I can think about is that first summer we met him and all the moments that led to this day. At least when I had Jon I didn’t know the exact date and time I would go into labor. But with this one – I am counting down the minutes. Wondering how he will do, praying that I can help him process all the emotions that are associated with today. Hoping I can process all MY emotions associated with today! I am not fearful, I am anxiously awaiting 1:30 p.m. to come. We all are!! I have my mom on standby and as soon as we are finished and have the final word I will call her and she can spread the news until I get back to my computer. Well, we only have about 13 more hours to wait. I suppose we can play Uno, but Jerry cheats and law if he doesn’t win I shudder to think what kind of a mood that will put him in. I think instead we will just go and listen to some Steven Curtis Chapman, Mandisa, and Third Day. Keep us in your prayers, the day is finally here. See December 1st did come, now if I could just sleep through part of it!! Much love from our alert family to yours!
Boys will be boys…Does anyone have the manuel? November 29, 2008
My Boys!
What is it about getting boys together that causes them to run around, hit each other, toss each other to the ground and then laugh about it. Guys talk about girls acting strangely just because we go to the bathroom in herds. Every girl knows that you need a partner on the outside in case you get in a “no toilet paper” situation! Boys – they have no purpose in their behavior other than just beating up on each other and they love it! Girls paint our nails, help each other to pick the perfect pair of shoes, test fragrances, find matching earrings, and even talk each other into eating that delicious dessert at the restaurant while we eat lunch. Boys, no they don’t behave in this fashion. They run up to each other yelling “TAG, You’re IT!” while slapping them on any available body part. Then this same action continues for hours.
TAG, YOU
NO, YOU
Boys just running and slapping each other silly and just beating the mess out of the poor “It” guys.
Even the adult ones do it!
What’s next, well then the slapping turns into hiding, finding and them grabbing and wrestling to the ground. Yes, that is correct girls. They reach around each other, squeeze, and then toss the person onto the cold, hard, dirty ground.
Shhhheeeekeeen!
You ain
BODY SLAM!
Does it matter if a stump is in the way? NO. Does it matter if a bird has “visited” that spot? NO. Does it matter if there are empty Wad-ka bottles on the ground? NO. Does it matter that the mama has a washer that will at most hold one pair of jeans with absolutely no hope of getting a grass stain out? NO. All that matters is that one of them gets the other one down and then anyone else remaining runs and jumps on the pile.
One monkey down!
TWO monkeys down!
Then the behavior takes an unusual twist. Rather than tossing each other to the ground, they now try to keep each other from getting up from the ground! Yes, that is correct, they lay there on the cold, dirty, bird spotted, Wad-ka infested, grass staining ground and grab anyone that tries to get up. Please be advised that no amount of warnings, pleadings, strange looks from other adults, or any amount of yelling will cause the behavior to stop. They can’t hear anything but themselves giggling!
No, Jon! You tickle!
Finally exhausted, they arise from their wallowed out spot, they are huffing and puffing for air, they are red faced and runny nosed, and worst of all they are all sweating from every pore. Then they simply walk off as if nothing had ever happened just laughing and hugging and gasping. Now I ask you, which gender group is actually the stranger of the two?
I am smiling!
Ma, pants dirty!
I think this blog has adequately answered that question. Being the only sane, and also clean, person in this family I am fully aware that I am the odd girl out. At least I have the chance to observe them in their natural habitat and take pictures that should embarrass them for ages. But then again, I may never get them off the floor to look at the pictures. So ladies, pride yourselves in being the only normal gender on the planet. We are here for a purpose. Someone has to apply the band-aids, get the grass stains out, have the handi-wipe to remove the bird poo, and apply kleen-ex to the runny noses. Oh, and apply the liniment to the hamstrings of the really, really old ones.
I think I sprained my liver!
All in all it isn’t a bad job and to be fair there are some perks. Without fail they all want to hold your hand and kiss your cheek, share every good and perfect thing with you, and protect you from every harm in the world. While I may never understand them, I do, with all my heart and soul, love them and I know although they don’t understand why I would prefer to take pictures as to wrestle with them, I know they love me too!
I am sooo proud!
WHEW, I’m Stuffed! November 27, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving to one and all. Boy, we had a great day. Now keep in mind that we did miss our family and friends something awful, but God supplied and we had Thanksgiving with some great friends, that might as well be family! My stove was cooking up a storm today! Let me tell you, with only 3 pots, two pans and one bowl I managed to have stewed cabbage ala fat back, mashed butter with taters (yes, that is in the correct order), green beans cooked ever so delicately with bacon and onion, whole kernal corn with just a PINCH of butter, mac’n'cheese topped with a crunchy cracker crust, honey-glazed carrots, basil roasted chicken, pineapple-adorned baked ham, carmel pie with homemade cookie crust topped with HAND whipped cream and, oh, yes sweetened ICE tea! Paula Dean hush yo’ mouth!!! Where are the Foodnetwork people when you need them? It might have taken all day long to get the oven hot enough to boil water, but it was worth every ounce of time! There was one glitch in the day’s activities. As I approached the point in the meal preparation where all stove eyes were operational along with the oven, well, I flipped the breaker in the apartment. Yes, everything went dark! I went into panic mode! I began to have a stroke! Jerry called Sergey who in turn called the guy we are renting the apartment from to notify him of my catastrophe. Do you know this guy sent word back that he might send someone over in half and hour or so!! Can you believe this. We are paying more for ONE WEEK in this 4 room apartment that we pay per MONTH for our entire HOME! No lie, not joking here! I went into the whole, “If he thinks I am paying him anything for this place well he is crazy, I’m not paying him anything, if a weeks worth of groceries goes bad on this stove he better think twice about getting his money, oh no, he won’t be getting anything but a piece of my mind – Jerry call this man on the phone.” Jerry responds, “Jan he doesn’t speak English.” I respond, “Well, he WILL know what I intend to tell him, what I have to say will cross international boundaries!” Then the phone rang and Sergey said the guys just couldn’t make it before 45 minutes. By that time Sam & Ella (you know the chicken germs) would have set up in my bird and the meal shot. So Jerry asked Sergey where the switch was, of course it was behind a locked cabinet on the wall. Let’s just say the cabinet ain’t locked anymore, nor will it ever be locked again using that lock. It is amazing what you can do with a spoon when you need to. The stove, she heated right back up and the oven got all toasty again and the meal was ready in prefect time. Then the door bell rang and it was Sergey. Jerry had just left to meet Yana. And guess what – the door wouldn’t work! Poor Sergey had to stand in the cold hall until Jerry got back. It was only a few minutes, but I still felt terrible. Anyway, along with Yana and Sergey were our friends from Birmingham, the Underwoods. Oh, I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to see some friends from home! I plan on being nicer to some of you when I get back. I said some of you. Too much change might not be a good thing. It was so great to see them and they were celebrating today as their second adopted child signed the paperwork and the adoption process begins for them. They have 4 kids back home waiting on their newest sister. The daughter they are adopting was at the same orphanage as Jake and they know each other! She has grown up and is so beautiful! We laughed, talked, visited, joked, ate, and ate some more. Sergey and Yana tried different things and we ate good ole soul food. Oh how I really wish the miles would melt between us. There are so very many people here that we love and care for deeply and miss them so very much when we go home. The food was great, but truly the company was the very best! Tomorrow we head to Vasilivik to visit Jake. Monday is the day!! It is fast approaching! We can’t wait. Let me tell you this one story and then I must go. Sergey was telling us that the judge wanted Jake and Katya to be in court because she had some questions for them both and she might ask Jon some questions. Jon’s eyes got big and he looked at Sergey and asked, “Will she ask me anything about the multiplication tables?” Sergey laughed and said “No, why?” Jon replied “Well, I have a little trouble with my 7’s and 8’s!” Isn’t he too sweet!! We just all hooted! So even Jon is ready as long as she doesn’t ask him what 7 x 9 is. Well, this cooking miracle worker is tried. I plan to snuggle in my bed and sleep until about 11. There are a few leftovers so the boys can eat something for breakfast. We had a great Thanksgiving and hope that you all are stuffed to the gills and ready to sit back, stretch out, and in the immortal words of Jerry Clower “let yo’ belly flop around.”
It’s a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving November 27, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving
One of my all time favorite cartoons is Charlie Brown. Every holiday when I was a kid there would always be a Charlie Brown special that came of TV. I couldn’t wait until I watched the special because that marked the holiday for me. Well, anyway, when the Charlie Brown and all the gang got together to share their Thanksgiving meal, they had, shall we say, some minor problems getting everything perfect and ended up with a menu of popcorn, toast and ice cream. Let’s just say that after shopping today at the grocery store we picked up some microwave popcorn just in case! Law the people at the grocery store didn’t even know what a turkey was much less have one! So tomorrow I plan on roasting the Thanksgiving Chicken complete with liver and gizzard. If you don’t know what a gizzard is, don’t ask because it is something you experience not explain! Well I say I am going to roast a chicken, that is if the oven will get hot enough. We tried it out tonight and it got “toasty” I may start on the chicken tonight and hope it gets done by supper tomorrow. We also have a ham. You know if you are from the south you must have at LEAST 2 meats on the table our you should be embarrassed. Now for the veggies. We will, of course, be dining on some mashed taters. Everything in Ukraine is accompanied by potatoes. Even potatoes are accompanied by potatoes. The American Heart Association will NOT be approving of the potatoes I plan to serve. As a special treat I grabbed some frozen green beans. I HOPE to make the green beans wrapped in bacon and cooked in vinegar and brown sugar. Vinegar, no problem. Brown sugar—well, I got a package of something brown that looks like sugar. The only thing is that it is not soft, it is as hard as a brick. For all I know it may be a brick. We will test tomorrow and see. There will be buttery corn and sweet baby carrots. I am going to attempt to make macaroni and cheese. I have the noodles, but the cheese is another story. Did you know there ain’t a single slice of Velveeta in the whole of Ukraine much less a pound of the cheesy goodness in a box! How do these people LIVE. Velveeta makes anything edible. What do they smother broccoli with? How do they stomach steamed cauliflower? What about nachos? And law what about pimento and cheese sandwiches. People from the south, I beg you, rise up and deliver some cheese culture over here! Jerry, bless him, he was trying today. He did find a squirt bottle with a picture of cheese on the front and he was so proud until Sergey told him is was cheese flavored mayonnaise. Somebody contact the Velveeta company and get them to ship some over quick! Sergey did try to help me find some cheese for the mac’n’cheese. Now ladies do you take your husband on shopping trips to prepare for big family meals—NO. And why—they know nothing about shopping for such an occasion. Well imagine shopping with one guy that speaks English and can’t read the labels who is loading the buggy with cheese flavored mayo and another that speaks Russian and English and can read the labels but doesn’t know what the products are for. I asked for something like graham crackers and the BOTH of them were looking in the saltine section of the bakery. Needless to say, Sergey isn’t knowledgeable on the various kinds of cheese in Ukraine and when I asked about cheese that would melt easy he asked “Why do you want it to melt?” Somebody Fed-Ex me some cheese dip from Mi Toro. The mac’n’cheese will be my greatest challenge to date. I ended up with sliced cheese that looked like American, Gouda, some kind of Dutch cheese that at least felt soft and some other kind of cheese that looked pretty. Tomorrow, operation Mac’n’Cheeses will go into effect. I am planning on making a caramel pie like the kind you get at O’Charlie’s. Ukraine has plenty of sweetened condensed milk and I found whipping cream. The only thing I didn’t find was an electric mixer so Jerry gets the whisk tomorrow. Oh and law they don’t have ready made graham cracker crusts. They don’t have crusts period. So I improvised. I did find some very nice vanilla cookies that should make a great crust. I really hope it works. Don’t ask about sweet potatoes. Oh, I am soooo disappointed. Ukraine has 500 varieties of potatoes and not one of them is a sweet potato. I can live without my sweet potatoes as long as I have my corn. So the menu is set as long as the oven works and that brown stuff is sugar and the cheese doesn’t taste like feet. The final item on the menu and the one that we are most pleased to have is SWEET TEA. Yes praise the Lord! I have emptied out a large, I mean LARGE water bottle and have it ready to receive the sweet goodness. We have eaten enough cookies to have enough ice trays to have the tea over ice! Having sweet tea is enough reason in and of itself to declare Thanksgiving! The boys are so excited and salivating already. Jon saw the buggy and he knows that one entire stick of butter for the corn alone. Oh, we are also going to have cooked (or stewed as my grandmother called it) cabbage. The cabbages here are as big a watermelons and I wanted to have something I could count on just in case the other things flopped. The house is clean, I just got up from scrubbing the bathroom floor. Why do we always do this—clean our houses like we are prepping for surgery. But it has to be done or I am just not happy and we all know the results of that situation. Tomorrow I will finish cleaning the house up and start my cooking. We plan to eat this as the supper meal because the Jerry and Sergey had to travel to the end of the Earth again tomorrow morning. Jon and I are totally on our own in getting things ready. For some reason I am just waiting for Snoopy to come skipping in my kitchen tomorrow! We are all excited and missing everyone so much. We hope that your Thanksgiving is wonderful and that you are reminded of the many reasons that our nation celebrates this holiday. We hope that you reflect back on God’s goodness and overwhelming love for you and your family. If you can’t think of anything to be thankful for, well just go to the grocery store and locate a box of Velveeta! It’s a good starting place. Happy Thanksgiving! We love you, miss you and hope to be home soon. Eat some turkey for us!
The Queen has Improved November 25, 2008
I am sure that all of you are on pins and needles waiting to know about my condition. I am feeling much better today. The headache is better, the green goop is clear, the stomach aches are less and the fever is gone. Unfortunately Jon has also been having the same symptoms so he received his very own Z-pack last night. He too is feeling better today. I even made him study for Social Studies and take a test, yes, on Thanksgiving holidays! So, there isn’t much news today because I am the head news maker in the family, Jerry is just too boring, but hey, I love him. Sergey was able to get Jake’s registration number so all of that is settled. While he and the deputy director were buzzing around Vasilivik taking care of that, Jake and Jerry were hanging out just being together. Word has CLEARLY gotten around school that we are here to adopt Jake. Now when we show up the kids automatically just go run and call for him. We did find out that there are only about 30 orphans that attend this school. The rest are kids that have families and live in the village. Today Svetlana (AKA Fitz-Lanna) told Jerry the sweetest thing. She looked at Jake and said that she was so happy for him and that she was sure that he belonged with us. She told Jerry that he is happier than she has ever seen him and that he even looks like Jerry and that could only be from God! Oh, I will treasure this lady in my heart forever. She is so very, very dear to us for all the things she has done. The boys played football, munched on McDonalds and just hung out. Jake is really beginning to show affection to Jerry. Today there were lots of hugs and pats, and laying his head on Jerry’s shoulder and just gentleness and a few funny pics on the cell phone for Mom and Jon. But he still needed mama today!! Once Jerry got home the phone was ringing and Jake wanted to talk to Mama. I was on the phone with my buddy and Jake told Jon to tell me to hang up and talk to him. I’m telling you ever since we met him, he is like a man on a mission! Nothing gets in that boy’s way! We did to peek into his past through some documents that were found. I do not want to go into detail but I will tell you that this child is truly a survivor. We are blessed to have him whole and strong. God has protected this child tremendously. He has preformed works that only He could do. Tomorrow I feel like making the ride so we are all getting up at the crack of dawn, 8 am, to head out. Sergey has to approach the judge again. Poor Sergey, its like going before the poster girl for PMS!! He needs one of the original documents that she has in order to apply for a passport for Jake. Who knows if she will give it to him or not. If not we have to make a trip to the end of the Earth again. Jerry finally asked someone why the judge was just so grumpy, and they told him that she had just finished divorce #2—if she would like for me to give her some insight I will be MORE THAN HAPPY to do so. Somehow I don’t think she will be asking. She did finally ask Sergey something about us today. She wanted to know how many times we had visited Jake and how long we had known him. When Sergey told her, she did seem to soften a little. Now mind you it is like watching ice melt, but ANYTHING is better than what she has been. Oh, I forgot Jon and I have projected date as to when we hope to come home. If all goes as planned we should be on a plane homeward bound on Dec. 4th. Everything is ready for us to leave after court. Jerry will stay in country and wait for the final items to be completed and hopefully the Williams family will all be home by Christmas. Please pray with us for that to happen. I would love to have all my little chickens in the nest by that time. Jon and I are so excited about getting home. Our own beds, bathrooms with full size toilets, Jon’s toys… Oh we can’t wait. Look I am serious, we even have a LIST of places that we want to eat at!!!! I hope Mi Toro has a bowl of cheese dip the size of a bath tub cause that’s what we want. Dinner Bell better be locating the largest, most tender steak they can find. Oh, and lettuce. I may just stand at the salad bar and eat straight from the bowls!!! China Palace should be equally prepared as they are going to lose some money when we hit the buffet! I just want to drive around and be waved at, well if I still remember how to drive. I would love to just walk through Wal-mart and talk to random people. I hope to visit Walgreen’s and read every label and not wonder if I am get shampoo or Metamucil. I plan on taking a shower in water that doesn’t smell like a lake. I want to go to Kroger and just go up and down every row just looking and being able to actually read the labels without the help of a dictionary. I want, desperately, law have mercy yes I do, desperately want to sink my teeth into a Jack’s bologna and biscuit and have butter ooze out all over my hands and just scoop it up with the grits. Oh mercy me, I might sale Jerry for a bowl of grits right now! Add some chocolate gravy and biscuit and you would have yourself your very own Jerry Williams. I miss the smell of fresh air and I know that scents of Christmas are everywhere. Mama better get the cookie sheet ready cause that is the first thing Jon wants. I bet every radio station is playing Christmas music and all the great Christmas movies and cartoons are about to start playing. It won’t be long before the choir has their performance either. Salvation Army volunteers will soon be ringing bells and hopefully listening to the sound of change being dropped in their red buckets. Everybody will be hustling and bustling getting goodies ready and talking about how they don’t have their shopping done and how busy they are and how there is just not enough time in the day, and they wouldn’t have it any other way! Christmas trees filled with ornaments that bring back tons of sweet memories, cooking in Mom’s kitchen with the kids watching movies and playing together, wrapping paper, gifts, decorating, parties, candy goodies, love and being loved. Having a place to call home and celebrate the birth of Jesus openly and fully and with excitement and joy and at peace, giving gifts and seeing the joy on each other’s faces as they are opened and trying to imagine what joy God must have watching His children celebrate His most precious gift to us. Oh, I am homesick, not really for things, but for what life is like in America. For what we are able to enjoy and do and call tradition. Well I have rattled on long enough to get my eyes weepy. We do have good news. Our friends, the Underwoods, have made it to Ukraine, and are in Kiev. They will arrive by train tomorrow night and be here for Thanksgiving. God is so very good. We love them and they have been on this journey as long as we have. They are here to adopt #2 to add to their household of 4. We are going to have a Thanksgiving Par-tay! Hopefully Sergey will have time to join in and eat some turkey (actually its chicken but we hope to find a REALLY large chicken) We might even watch the egg bowl in the wee hours of the morning, maybe the cowbell won’t wake the neighbors because I KNOW we will be ringing that baby a lot!!! Lots to do lots to do! Remember to save us some pecan pie cause there are NO pecans in Ukraine and give each other big hugs and kisses. Toodles for now, gonna take my medicine and hit the sack dreaming of a waiter with an armful of mexican goodness and those words I long to hear…”Hot plate, hot plate!”
The Queen is I-L-L November 24, 2008
I know what you are thinking, and yes, I am taking my meds. Its not that kind of ill, I am sick! Don’t start warming up the violins of pity just yet, its not that bad. No mother, I do not need to be air lifted home. I think I caught a bug from Katya who has been coughing for a couple of days. She has medicine, but won’t take it. Anyway, I have what I will term the “crud-ish-ka” You know, to give it some Ukrainian flavor. Luckily we brought with us enough antibiotics to cure Eastern Europe of what ails them so I have promptly popped the first 2 pills of my Z-pack. Don’t start with all the “Americans are taking too many antibiotics” stuff. Wait until you are in another country with multicolored goop running from you nose, headaches that cause your eyes to cross, upset stomach with a 10 to 1 chance of having to use a squatty-potty, and your throat burns so much that the sound of hot coals would be refreshing. I want to give you the full version, you know so you appreciate me more and your admiration increases. I have a tad bit of fever, but nothing to be alarmed about unless you are Jerry the Lysol spokesman. Bless him, he can’t find any Lysol so he just keeps spraying everything with the pipe-tobacco scented air freshener that was left at the apartment by the previous tenant. It smells like all three of us have taken up smoking. I know that you are terribly worried about your reigning ruler and that even now you are trying to figure out just how you can get me some chicken noodle soup, but don’t worry I am taking care of myself. I have laid up on the couch all day under covers. Why is it that when we are sick we like to lay on the couch? Anyway, I did try to go to Vasilivik today with the boys but riding in the car made me sick at my stomach and when we stopped so I could go to a restroom, well there were squatty-potties and I decided that the best thing for this old girl to do was head right back home. So I stayed at home munching on antibiotics while the boys went to Vasilivik. My fever is lower, the headache has dulled and things are a lighter shade of green so the Z-pack is working. Now if I can just get Jerry to take off the surgical suit and stop trying to prep the room for surgery I will be fine. O.k. so the boys went to Vasilivik and saw the judge—did you hear that, I could have swore I heard a villain laughing. Anyway, she was her usual cheery, friendly, helpful self—sorry the fever came back up. She was as usual difficult, but a little more softer after Sergey did some groveling. She actually asked about the case for the first time. So things seem a little more relaxed, if you can call it that. Also the registration number, can’t believe that I almost forgot about that. Tomorrow the number will be issued so all is good there. It was decided, by a panel or judges, just kidding, by the local inspectors that he should be registered in Vasilivik so the deputy director will do that tomorrow. Please pray for her daughter, Polina, she has also been sick with the crudishka. I am STILL just in awe of how good God really is and how much He is watching out for all of us. So only the boys made it to Vasilivik today. Jake was as always wanting to know every detail exactly. He is SUCH a detail guy and all this waiting and paperwork is getting on his nerves. So Jerry explained the details that we know. Please be in prayer for the situation with remaining family. There is some friction and later I might be able to be more detailed, but sometimes even the things that really don’t have any control over us can still cast a shadow on our emotions. The boys are getting closer than ever. They are so funny together! Now Jake has always been closer to me than anyone. There is just a bond there and I knew exactly when it began to form. I can still see him, three years ago at Birmingham, we had spent several days with him doing everything we could to just be with him and together. There he was in the kitchen trying to find his shoes, and he looked up and saw me and the biggest smile came over that face as he dropped his shoes and gave me a huge hug. There was just a love there that has only grown. Jerry has really had to develop a relationship with Jake, because of a past history, Jake is not as trusting of men (and especially those that resemble Hitler). Today was good for Jerry to be with Jake and Jon, you know just the boys. As they were talking about the details Jerry asked Jake if he knew what would happen after the court hearing. Jake looked at him wondering what he was talking about, and Jerry said, “Well Jon will legally be your brother! Do you still want him?” Jake smiled and said “Nah.” and then grabbed Jon up and hugged him and kissed him and said “Just kidding!” Then Jerry asked if he knew what would happen when he was legally Jon’s brother and Jake looked at him with tears then Jerry said, “You will legally be my son and that is forever.” Jake teared up and hugs happened and “I love yous” happened. And I missed it!!! I was jealous at first, but more proud that Jerry got those moments with the boys. Oh my goodness, this has been a journey. When the Jerry and Jon got back to the apartment I received my instructions to call Jake so he could check on me. We talked and he evaluated me and gave me his diagnosis and Jon has covered me up and Jerry’s bringing me stuff and although I am sickly I do so enjoy the perks of being the queen of three boys. So I will be going back to my nest to cuddly in my covers, sip some hot tea, watch Jurassic Park (yuck) with Jon, ring my bell for Jerry to hand feed my a cookie and I might even pop another antibiotic. Hugs and sniffles from me to you.
What She Meant as Harm, God Used to our Good November 23, 2008
What a moment we have had this weekend! OH, it is sooooo a God thing. Remember the judge, the one thinking that she was going to use her authority to, well, show us who was boss and how she said she wasn’t going to be merciful or compassionate to us. Well funny thing happened on the way to adopt Jake…
Let me set the backdrop as was explained to me. Back in the days of Stalin all people were to have a number that registered them and was used to keep track and control of them. Although the use for the number has totally changed, the people of Ukraine still get such a number. It is similar to a SSN number, but not quite the same. Most people get the number at their place of birth, however Jake did not. Now if a child is placed into an orphanage it is the RESPONSIBILITY of the director to make sure that the child has the number and if not, get them one. Well the director, not naming any names here but it starts with and “L” and ends with an “a”, couldn’t find the time in 12 years to get Jake’s number. Now she TOLD Sergey she had registered him and even made Sergey look like an idiot for not knowing where to go to get the document and then and even sent him to the registrar’s office to get the paperwork and when there was no paperwork or number to be found, well she had conveniently left the office for the day and could not be contacted. So the long and short of it is that Jake has NEVER been issued this number. Now the backdrop has been set.
Here is the deal… he MUST have the number BEFORE the court hearing, because of the name change. It is a must and if we had the court hearing any sooner and his name would have been changed, well the adoption wouldn’t happen.
Um, we found out FRIDAY, the day after we wanted to have court, that he didn’t have the number! God is so in control, so in control. What she meant as harm, God used to our good in so many ways. He used our disappointment to restore and strengthen our resolve, he taught our children that their parents loved them and they would do anything for their well being, in the days of waiting we were all able to see and experience what it means to rest in God’s victory and then to see it come full circle, we were reminded how much others loved us by the emails, blog posts and phone calls, we are so excited at the blessings others will receive for being so understanding of our situation and supporting us even when it made life more difficult for them, and today our baby got to see and LIVE the experience of God’s goodness to His children as they wait for Him. Oh, I could write a book about what all God has done for this family that drops our jaws. I can’t wait until we can tell Sergey and he sees the whole picture of God’s goodness toward us and as he sees a love that is so individualistic and personal from a God that did everything necessary so we could call him Father. I wish I had the ability to put into words how the process of adoption parallels the experience of salvation. I wish every family could experience what ours has and to let you know, there are 100,000 orphans in Ukraine today and many more around the world. Have you every asked God if adoption is something He wants you to be open to doing? Ask Him, at least offer—remember that “Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after widows and orphans in their distress and keep one’s self unstained by the world” James 1:26 & 27. Hey I didn’t say it—God did. Some people think they are too old, hey guess what, there are TEENS that need homes. Not every adoption is like ours, God will custom design your adoption to fit your needs and teach you what He wants you to learn. Is everyone supposed to adopt—Well that is for God to answer, but I do know that EVERYONE has a responsibility to these children as an act of love toward serving Jesus—EVERYONE. Have you been touched by our journey, my prayer is that it calls you into action of some type…www.reachorphanswithhope.com
Now that sermon didn’t cost you anything. So this week Sergey is going to try and get the number! Please pray for this because nobody knows exactly what to do to get the number or for that matter who is supposed to file the papers and even where we are supposed to file them. The regional office at Zap says it has to be filed in his legal town of residence which is Vasilivik, the people at Vasilivik want to make sure they don’t get into trouble because it should have been given to him 12 years ago, the people at Matveevka can’t be found. So on Monday we try again to get the number. Please pray for Jake as well, it seems that if satan can’t get to us, well he will try an alternate route of attack. This weekend Jake had an encounter with his other brother by phone that was very emotional and difficult for him. Jake was basically accused of abandoning his family and nation and we were accused of wanting to adopt him only to use him. Jake handled everything with truth. Many hurtful comments were made to him and as he told us the things my heart just broke for him and I became very angry. I reminded him that we loved him and that he was in our family FOREVER. That’s all it took. It was amazing. He said “Its o.k.” smiled, kissed me and started eating his fries. I am not naïve to think that there won’t be emotional issues that we will need to process at home, but I am seeing how God is moving and while I don’t understand the circumstance fully, I do trust my Father to be in control of all of them. Your prayers are so treasured. As a matter of fact Sergey was talking about prayer the other day and mentioned that one of the reasons he was bothered by religion in Ukraine was that a type of priest would pray for you if you gave him money and the more money you gave the more he prayed—he didn’t like that. When we told him of all your prayers on our behalf, and prayers that were lifted up around the clock for no cost, other than you loved us and we loved you—well he was amazed. We talked about church family, and how we love and are loved. We were asked how Jake would be received and I told Sergey to watch Jake’s face as I mentioned some names—and as the smiles grew and grew it spoke volumes about how you have loved him. Your love for us has been such a testimony of God’s goodness. Everyone in the process is so amazed that our employers have the compassion to allow us to leave and be gone to adopt this one child, and a teenager at that. There are so many things that you have been a part of here. You have a testimony here in Ukraine even though you are 9000 miles away. Your love for us is speaking VOLUMES everywhere we go. Our prayer and thanksgiving can be summed in Colossians 1: 3-7
“We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, for we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints because of the hope reserved for you in heaven. You have already heard about [this hope] in the message of truth, the gospel that has come to you. It is bearing fruit and growing all over the world, just as it has among you since the day you heard it and recognized God’s grace in the truth.”
We do love you family and friends, we love you dearly and we miss you. I am so very pleased to be able to bring my children home to you. I must admit that I am really happy to be coming home to you soon too! We have a unique existence as Christian brothers and sisters. There is NOTHING that compares to it. We do love you and are so thankful for your help and prayers and we are chomping at the bits to get back home, all FOUR of us.
Love from our side to yours!
How was your weekend? November 23, 2008
Ours—hilarious!! Here goes…
Jerry learned a valuable lesson in hair design. Seems that he located a beauty salon. So off he and Sergey went to get his hair cut. Now Jerry has always had the same haircut since birth. It doesn’t matter where he goes or who cuts his hair it always looks the same—until this time!!! He decided he knew all there was to know about giving directions as to what the stylist should do. So, once in the chair with the cape on, he had Sergey stand close by as JERRY gave directions as to how his hair was SUPPOSED to be cut. Can I tell you that something, some important things, were lost in translation. He would have been much better off to just show the girl a picture of himself from a few weeks ago and let her do he job, but oh no, Jerry the Hair Dictator, gave explicit directions even to the point of HAND selecting the guard for the clippers. Let me tell you, the girl did EXACTLY what Jerry told her to do. He came home looking like Adolph Hitler. Yes, he did!! Just like Hitler. Even Jon thought so. I was in the bathroom putting on my makeup and when Jerry came through the door Jon saw him first and just died out laughing and hollering “Mama come here, you GOTTA see Daddy’s hair, it is soooo funny!” Jerry turned the corner and all I could think was “Hail Jerry!” Now, please keep in mind that I had offered to trim his hair. I had offered to just touch up a few spots and Jerry said NO!! He didn’t think I could do the job!! Do you smell an “I told you so” coming. Needless to say, Jerry was very sweet when he asked me to touch up his hair. The only scissors I have are Jon’s school scissors. YES I did! I trimmed up Jerry’s hair with the ole Crayola Safety Scissors in blue and green! The living room was converted into Jan’s House of Gorgeous and within 15 minutes he was looking more like himself. To those of you that have had to cut Jerry’s hair before—I would like to extend my deepest sympathy because he is a BIG baby! Every time I combed his hair he made these noises as if I had just sliced right through his scalp. Oh, and the faces, you would have thought that he was receiving electric shocks every time I came toward him with the scissors. I asked if he did this every time he got a haircut and he said YES! No, wonder the poor Ukrainian girl was so nervous giving him a cut, first of all there he was sitting in the chair with a TRANSLATOR giving HER directions, next he was making all these weird sounds as if he was about to have a spell, and then his face was contorted into all manner of looks of torture! I offered to do his nails and he had the nerve to decline! Now I did put my foot down and made him let me trim his beard. Now maybe people will stop saluting him everywhere we go.
I don’t know where you were raised, but where I come from when a woman is about to walk through a door a man is supposed to hold the door open for her, and if the door is open he should step to the side until she is out. There is a man in Ukraine that is now fully aware of this lesson. Jon and I both are tired of being pushed, pulled, reached across, and stepped in front of in public places. Now in Ukraine nobody thinks about that as rude, and we also found out that starring at a person is not considered rude. These are just cultural differences. But when you have lived your whole life being taught a different set of manners and being whopped (yes, mother you did to whip us) for not following them, well adjustment doesn’t happen easily even if you have been here for several weeks. We had gone to a toy store and enjoyed shopping and seeing all the toys. We were going to head across the street to the grocery store. I was in front of the family caravan and headed out the door when I spotted him, a guy headed in the store. It was then that something rose up in me, we call it a “Mrs. Etta moment” in our family. I have a great-grandmother that could get her dander up and she meant business. Let me tell you my Granny Hodges would have been very proud of this girl. I decided that only one of us could go through that door at a time and I was gonna be first. I maybe sweet, I maybe jolly, I maybe fun loving but what I am is large enough to be in charge! I headed to the door determined, he headed to the door oblivious to what was about to happen to him. Ladies and gentlemen, I was totally successful. I, along with all of my family and packages did in fact, and most certainly go through the door first, and when the guy got up he very politely waited until we had totally got to the sidewalk before he even attempted to go through the door. I believe he learned an important lesson that day. I intend on instituting this new policy everywhere I go; Jerry intends on leaving me at home and doing the shopping himself—I think this is a win-win situation for me on any side!
Apparently the above episode has charged up something in me. On our way home from the grocery we stopped at our local quick stop to get water for the day. It is too far to have to carry all the way from the grocery so we stop at a store just a block from the apartment. There are about 5 or 6 ladies that work in the store and just like stores at home all but one of them is very friendly. You know there is always one lady that you HOPE is not working because she is always grumpy! The other ladies have been friendly, helpful and took the time to try and understand us and help us. Not this one lady, she just rolls her eyes when we come through the door. I hope and pray that in the US particularly in our hometown that we do not treat people of different nationalities as this. It is difficult being in a foreign country with different cultural norms and to have someone roll their eyes or be frustrated with you for trying to fit in is hurtful. Please take this into account when you see someone else from another country. Anyway, off that soap box and onto the ice cream. We had gone into the store and who should we see working at the water counter—yes, Ms. Sunshine herself. She immediately began rolling her eyes and saying things to the other ladies, and bless them they just smiled at us that smile of “I am so sorry about this” and Jerry just barreled over anyway to get the water. Jon and I stood back not wanting to make matters worse when it happened—anther Mrs. Etta moment. I decided that we were the ones BUYING the water and OUR purchases were one of the reasons that she had a job and therefore her mood was not my problem and Jon and I wanted some ice cream! The ice cream was at her counter and as Jerry was getting the water I went to the counter to open it and get out the ice cream. Do you know what she did!?!? She SLAPPED MY HAND. Yes, she did she SLAPPED my hand away from the ice cream machine. Oh, my word Granny Hodges rose up in me and when I was finished we had full service of the ice cream machine and got the ice cream cones that we wanted located in the most difficult section to reach. We took our ice cream outside and on our way out the ladies at the other counter were just smiling and laughing and walked out with us. I think they were about tired of her attitude too.
So between my, shall we say, unusually forceful moments (stop laughing Hitler) and Jerry’s salon trauma we have had a totally eventful weekend. My medicine did arrive and strangely enough I had a dose of it before the above events took place. Can you imagine me without it! We did see Jake and took him chicken nuggets and fries and next time he wants us to bring chicken nuggets, a big mac, 2 orders of fries and three cokes. Law my grocery bill is going to increase. He had picked out the clothes he wants to wear to court and cleared it with the Queen Mother, he and Jon are going to wear jeans and have sweaters that are similar, but not identical—Jon said that would not be cool. They mess with me and they will be wearing matching sweaters with cute little teddy bears and short pants with knee socks (Jerry, put the medicine down I am just joking). Jake is ready for the hearing to take place and asks every time we are together when he can come home with us. Last night we were so tired from the day we forgot to stop off at the quick stop (I think Jerry was scared to stop with me) so this morning we enjoyed a breakfast of bacon, toast and chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and mama, we drank coke for breakfast too! This afternoon will be another journey into town for some goodies. We did find some of the most delicious garlic and cheddar bread on the planet at the grocery store. We have eaten several small loaves of that stuff. It is wonderful!! We also found a pesto that you dip the bread into and it is like being at Olive Garden. We are going to attempt spaghetti again tonight since we found an American bottle of spaghetti sauce. So until our next adventure we are signing out. More news to come—I am sure of it!
An American’s Guide to Making Hamburgers & Fries in Ukraine November 21, 2008
Step1: You must first go and locate your supplies. This will always involve walking at least 3 miles to a local grocery store.
Step 2: Once at the store you will need to take evasive action in order to shop for your supplies. Find an aisle that is totally full of people, push your buggy in along with everyone else. Be prepared to reach in front of or across another person, that is where the best items are located. You must push others, roll over their toes and say things under you breath while doing so.
Step 3: Locate the ground beef. This may be more difficult that you think. There are several butcher type areas and once animal flesh is ground up it all looks the same. In order to assure that you receive beef you must be prepared to go to a counter, get the attention of a butcher and then moo at him. He will locate the proper meat for you.
Step 4: Next you must instruct the butcher as to how much beef you would like to purchase. It is best to just show him how many handfuls you would like. Americans asking for “kilos” of anything is a sure fire way to be arrested on drug charges. Four handfuls will be quite sufficient.
Step 5: You must search out buns. Be prepared to look over the entire store for this prize. They can be found in the pasta section, the potato chip section and on rare occasions in the bakery section. Once in the bakery section there will be 6 gazillion other types of bread all OUT of packages, just waiting for people to sniff, sneeze and touch them. Don’t worry about that happening to your buns, no one in Ukraine eats them anyway. Obtain 6 buns, wait for the lady to yell at you because you did something wrong, just nod and say “Spaciba” and go on like she didn’t even exist.
Step 6: It is now time to locate your dressings.
· Onions will be easy to find. They are located in 500 pound bags. Should you wish to purchase one or two find a produce bag, scrap the dirt from the onion to ensure that it is in fact an onion and having the produce lady yell at you because you did something wrong there.
· Tomatoes are also easy to find. Unlike the onions they are already packaged and ready for you to pick up. Please do not smell the tomatoes to make sure the are fresh. They are not, they never will be and if they were you would not be in Ukraine.
· Next locate the pickles. This is somewhat more tricky. They are located on the aisle where everyone else in the store is shopping. You must weave your way into the aisle, push past 483 other people, locate the jars of pickles and choose on that looks like dill pickles. Do not expect to find them sliced, for that matter do not expect to get but one chance to grab a jar because if you stop traffic to study over the selection you and your buggy will be promptly moved along by the next shopper.
· Lettuce is the last of you dressings and it is camouflaged very well. The easiest way to find the lettuce is to look for the highest price in the produce section. It has cleverly camouflaged itself with brown leaves. Also it is about the size of an apple. Should you not have the extra 5000 dollars to spend on lettuce you may omit this from step 6.
Step 7: Locating the proper condiments. Please be advised that Ukraine has a condiment for every occasion and they dip anything and everything into a sauce of some type. There is not a condiment section in the store. They are spread out in every section, even the frozen foods. Please allot 7 hours for looking for your three basic hamburger condiments. You want to divide and conquer in this step.
· Allow your child to search for ketchup. It is red and spelled the same way and all kids have a special 6th sense to ketchup.
· Next, allow your husband to search for mayonnaise. Most men can locate white gunk in a jar. Now be prepared for him to ask you 50 or 60 times what it is he is looking for. Also it is quite common for him to return with cheese, potato chips, cookies, soda, and chewing gum before the mayo is located.
· Now, only a woman with a keen hunting abilities can located mustard. All but 2 of the 9000 condiment bottles and bags are yellow, so color will not help you. Ukrainian mustard is more like honey mustard with cayenne pepper tossed in for some punch. From experience it does not help to pull up beside other buggies and ask “Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?” The best method used to locate mustard is to look at each and every condiment container for a picture of some type of meat with yellow sauce over it. Now this may seem like it would take a long time, but don’t worry, it will take you husband longer to find, well anything and you will have ample time.
Step 8: It is now time to decide on your side dish. There are two options here. The first option, French fries, would be for the more experienced. Be aware that Ukrainians eat more potatoes than the rest of know civilization, but nowhere and I repeat nowhere will you find a handy bag of Ore-Ida crinkle cuts. Now back to produce section. This is always good for your husband so please make sure the you have reached the other side of the market so that you have to walk all the way back to the produce section. Once there you will locate potatoes based on the amount of dirt. The dirtier the vegetable, the more likely it will be a potato. When no one is looking have your child spit on a few of them just to check. You wouldn’t want to accidentally take home a bag of beets. Now option two, potato chips. Where Ukraine fails in the frozen fry department they more than make up for the chips department. Do not waste your time looking for potato flavored chips, they do not exist. People in Ukraine group potato flavored chips with such legends as Big Foot, Loch Ness Monster, and timely court dates. No, your better option here is to purchase one of the following popular flavors: bacon, mushroom & cheese, crab, paprika, or chicken. I do not suggest chicken, that would be two meats at your meal and that us just plain snobby.
Step 9: Approaching the cashier. Now that you have all the items assembled you will want to check them out. She will find at least one item that has no sticker. There are no price checks in Ukraine, the cashier gets up, leaves and goes to locate the price herself. She then returns and squishes your bread. Pack all your treasure in the bags you brought with you, trek 3 miles back to the apartment and get prepared to cook.
Step 10: You will only be able to cook one hamburger at a time. There are no skillets in Ukraine that are larger than salad dishes. Therefore allot at least 2 hours to cook 3 burgers.
Step 11: Preparing the dressings. You will first need to take the onions and potatoes to the bath tub to get them clean. The sink will not work. It will only hold at most 2 potatoes. The tub works much better. Just be sure that you carry a spoon with you to help poke the mud from the produce down the drain.
Step 12: Slicing the dressings. Now that things are washed, you will need to slice them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, oh, ha, ha, ha, he, he, he , that was a good one, slice them, like you have a knife that will cut butter. Slice them, what a joke. No actually be prepared to force a thin piece of metal through the produce and catch it before it hits the floor.
· For onions and potatoes the technique is identical. If you and your husband both push down together it will only take about 2 hours to cut up one onion and 5 potatoes.
· Peeling the tomato. Ha, ha, ha another good one. If you want to remove the skin from a tomato, and you do, you will have to plop it down into some boiling water. It will only take about 30 minutes for the stove eye to get hot enough to cause the water to boil. A few seconds and the tomato’s skin will pop right off. Then you can squish it to bits using your knife and you don’t need your husband for this one.
Step 14: You should have started heating a pot with sunflower oil oh, about 2 weeks ago. It will take that long for the oil to warm up a bit. When you are putting the fries into the oil have no fear of getting burned. Actually the oil is warm and a great hand softener. After about 2 seconds a miracle happens and the oil gets too hot. Using a bath towel remove the pot from the heat. After 2 seconds the oil is room temperature and place it back on the eye. This cycle will occur about 300 times over the next 2 hours and then your fries are done.
Step 15: Assemble the burgers on one plate, the fries and ketchup on another, and pour your coke into your coffee cup. Take everything to the table and enjoy the hugs and kisses you will get for being the best mom in Ukraine. After the burgers are inhaled, serve your desert. I suggest, Tums ala Roll, a cold bowl of Mylanta, or Immodium munches.
May this manual serve to remind you that you could have called a taxi, drove to Mikey Dee’s, bought 6 happy meals and been back before your water got hot for a cup of tea. But, you would have missed the time together and it is worth it. Next, we will explore the wonderful world of Thanksgiving Dinners. I am practicing my gobbling, Jon is saving spit to locate the sweet potatoes and Jerry is all a quiver at getting to search for the supplies for green bean casserole. Until next time, lots of love from our kitchen to yu’rs.
Football—Ukrainian Style November 21, 2008
Yesterday was absolutely priceless and a total gift from God! I wouldn’t have taken anything for what we got to do with only a football. After lunch we loaded up, or should I say crammed in, and headed out to Vasilivik to see Jake. We had several hours to spend with him this afternoon and we were bouncing off the car doors just waiting to enjoy our time together. When we arrived school had just turned out. Everyday when we arrive we go to the deputy director’s office to just check in and say hello. She has really became a very good friend. She has a son Jon’s age and they love to play together. We stopped by her office, Jake came bounding in and Jerry suggested he go back to his room and get what else but his AMERICAN football. Off he ran and Jon asked if Anton (deputy director’s son) could meet us and everybody play football together. She called, Anton was thrilled and we took off. In Vasilivik they have a very organized sports program in the town for the children. This town really does so much for their children which probably explains why we see so very, very many families around. They have 2 soccer fields. One is for older kids and the other has a fence all around the field for the younger kids. There is playground equipment for the youngest and it is set up so that parents can stroll their babies around in the parking area. There is a gym set up for indoor soccer or basketball and they have ping-pong tables also. It is one of a very few towns with such a set up and the community really loves it. So we headed to the soccer field and arrived at the perfect time—no one else was there yet! Jerry, Jon, Jake, Anton and Sergey got out on the field and law me the testosterone started surging. Why is it girls that when a group of guys get together they have to get all manly and tough. You know what I am talking about. They start strutting, pooching out their chests (or what is left of them), spitting on the ground and making those deep grunting noises. Hey, Ukrainian boys are NO DIFFERENT. Jerry’s first lesson was “how to throw a football” and after getting hit in the face only one time I I opted out of the lesson and took up the camera. They were quite impressed with my ability to throw, but it seems that leather gloves can’t quite grip a football. Well obviously tossing around a football isn’t nearly exciting as playing a game. I mean heaven forbid that someone not get a chance to score or knock the mess out of one of their friends. So the boys talked Jerry and Sergey into playing against THEM. Jon and Jake know a lot about football so Jerry proceeded to TRY and teach some basic rules to Sergey and Anton. After about the first 5 seconds he lost them. I just laughed my icicles off listening to him trying to explain the wonderful world of football. I suggested from the sideline (that’s were all the good coaches are located) that they ran a few plays so that they could see how it worked. Jerry agreed because he had no other choice—I’m louder and so I get my way and the plays began. As I was yelling helpful hints from the sideline I began to feel as though I was being watched. I am not sure , but I think when we entered Ukraine we were secretly injected with a homing device. Everywhere we go people seem to just show up. I think there is a person watching us and calling contacts to let them know where the Americans are going. I turned around to realize that behind me were SEVERAL boys just standing and watching. Immediately they began trying to ask me questions. I called time out (I also serve as sideline referee which is some of my best work) and Jerry and the boys got all of the other boys to join in. OH ME, I have never laughed and cheered so loudly in my life. I bet all the people in the near by apartments were wondering what drunk had gotten in the soccer field. Oh, it was wonderful. Now keep in mind that these boys have grown up only seeing soccer. They play and love soccer like we love football. Jerry was trying to teach the concepts of football to a group of boys that had never even watched it before! They were trying to bounce the football off their heads and knees like you would a soccer ball. Oh, then it came time to run a few plays. As the “game” went on it just got better and better. I thought I would list the top 5 rules of Ukrainian style football as they developed today…
Ahemmmm, Rule number 1:
There is no line of scrimmage in UA style football—all the players just stand in front of or behind a member of the other team. Should that player be half way down the field, well that’s where you go too. It looked like man to man defense in a basketball game. Oh, Jerry tried to get them to line up and they just looked at him like you big dummy, that’s too close to the other team.
Rule number 2:
There is no need for a center to snap the ball, for you silly girls that means there is no “down, set, hut”— See in UA style of football the tallest player gets the football, he then stands back behind everyone else and proceeds to yell “1…2…3…GO” and everybody runs screaming their own name while the player with the football decides who should get the pass based on who is screaming the loudest.
Rule number 3:
When the loudest player catches the football he runs only until he is approached by an opponent and then he is to always throw the ball to another team member and it is better if that player is ahead of you on the field. This happens until the end zone is reached. If it takes 7 forward passes, well hey it gets the job done! Now, please understand that Jerry tried several times to ingrain in them that you CANNOT have such types of forward passes if you are the receiver. Oh he had the football coach voice, he was making all the necessary hand motions, he used the correct terms but seeing as how they didn’t know what a forward pass was and it was impossible to explain who the receiver was, the kids just promptly ignored him and thought he was stupid for not thinking of such a wonderful idea himself. After the 5 millionth forward pass occurred I suggested that Jerry give up and join in because, well he was losing at this point. I mean how would it look if he LOST the game to a team that had never played before.
Rule number 4 and quite possibly the most painful rule:
Why intercept the football from the other team when you can knock it out of the sky with you feet, legs, or head. You would think that none of the kids had hands! When they had the chance to pick off a pass, they not once used their hands to do the job. That soccer is ingrained deeply in those boys. I wish I had the instant replays to show you. Everyone of those plays went like this… Oh, let me do it like those commentators at the high school football games do…
Well folks is a wonderful night for football. We appreciate Ford of Ukraine for putting us on the air tonight. The whistle is blown. The tallest player for the Zap Zebras has the football. He has yelled 1,2, 3, GO and the football is HURLED INTO THE AIR. It’s at the 10, the 15 our receiver Sasha Zachinckoq is set to make the catch. Oh, no here comes a member of the Ukrainian Gazelles. He is in front of the receiver, their coach, Coach Williams, is directing the player to “INTERCEPT THE PASS” and assistant coach Sergey is in full agreement as he directs the boy to “ZUK FLOSH PLOZ FLIBBERTY GIBBET” . Did you see that Billy Bob Harold Junior, that boy just got his shins higher than his head. Yes, indeed he did and the ball, here it comes, WHAM right into that shin, boy that ball nailed it perfectly! He stopped the pass folks, he stopped that pass. Do you think they will call interference Billy Bob Harold Junior? Naw. Now its time for a break and a word from tonight’s sponsor.
Ya’ll, no lie those kids could somehow miraculously contort their physical bodies in such a way as to get their legs higher than their heads and block the pass with the most delicate part of their shins. The other teammates would celebrate the player that slaughtered the ball with his shin, that player would drop to the ground writhing in pain due to the shin bruise he received because to their surprise the ends of a football are much harder than a soccer ball. The other teammates would get the ball, bounce it off of their heads to Jerry and await further instructions. Jerry explained and demonstrated how to catch the football, he did, he really did. It was met with looks of why in the world would you do that. So, the shin interceptions continued.
Rule number 5 and perhaps the funniest:
When the big, hairy American has the football and he is running anywhere—GET OUT OF HIS WAY! Have you ever watched the Tarzan movies where the elephant is stampeding and the people are just running everywhere to get away. Yeah, it was pretty much like that today. Oh, Jerry thought he was quite impressive today. Light on his feet, spinning, moving, barreling down field and why, well the other kids were standing in the back field fighting over who HAD to guard him. You could see it in their eyes— there was no way they were going to try and block that elephant going down the field. Compared to them Jerry looked like a steam engine rolling down the field. Oh, he was BAD today—Jerry was reliving the old glory days. I didn’t need a translator to understand what the boys were saying when Jerry had the ball. “You get him!” “No you get him!” “I’m not getting him, you get him!” “Why me, you get him, you’re the tallest!”
Oh, it was priceless. I have downloaded some pics on the picture website. It was wonderful. The boys played until it was too dark to see the football and parents started calling cell phones. They were chanting each other’s names. There were high fives and end zone dances. There was English mixed with Russian. There was laughter and a lot of showing off. It was marvelous. The day ended with everybody saying bye in each other’s language, it had to sound like the Day of Pentacost. Everyone was wanting to know when they could get back together. So the day is set for Saturday. I feel like we will have an even bigger audience and roster of players and I can’t wait. Sergey and Jerry are both going to soak in hot tubs until then to be able to walk. The boys are bringing their shin guards. Jon is begging to get to tackle anybody and Jake wants to make sure we bring some Chicken McNuggets when we come because he gets hungry being the tallest. It was so wonderful to see the friendships growing. I have said and will always say that one of the most wonderful things about heaven will be never having to say goodbye. It was hard to leave today. Jon had made some new friends; they have even given him a Ukrainian buddy name—Zhonny. They all left waving and smiling and I imagine that there will be some interesting discussion at those boys’ dinner tables tonight! Could God be opening the door for Jerry go come back and do an American football camp like he and his youth have been doing in Corinth during the summer—I hope so, no I pray so. Jon said, “Mama I think God is trying to show these people who He is. He is doing something big here.” You know… I agree.
